my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
