I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
