I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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