I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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