Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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