i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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