chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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