I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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