from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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