Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize