I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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