remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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