i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
