Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
