so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
