and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
