The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
