you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
