Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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