Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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