is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
