Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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