I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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