In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
