I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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