hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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