The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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