So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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