Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
