Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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