if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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