Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
