don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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