I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
