the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
