When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
