forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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