i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
