My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
