awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize