tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
