i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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