last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
