just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
