Nicole vs. Life
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize