he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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