listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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