I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
