Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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