If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
