I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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