well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
