I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
