I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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