You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
