ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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