no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
