Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
